The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .

However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in city locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a try these out trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume visite site this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your anchor heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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