The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .

But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Many gay men desire to find out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be visit this website sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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